batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
