The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
