Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
