Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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