I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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