This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
