Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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