absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
