"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize