Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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