Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
