I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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