Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if only i could text you this smell
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
