I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
