Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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