Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
