Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
