Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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