its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
