HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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