I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
