Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
