is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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