i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
