I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I skipped work to stalk him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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