You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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