I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
