Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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