the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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