9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
