Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
