I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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