woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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