Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
