dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
