My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
