i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
