I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
