Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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