I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
