why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize