i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
