sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
