i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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