hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
