i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
