i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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