Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
