I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
