it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize