Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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