dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
