Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
