So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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