So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
