I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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