I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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