babies were throwing up all over the place
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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