Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
that is very illegal...i love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
