i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
