two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
