try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
