As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
