ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My feet surprised me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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