I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize