Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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