Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
