My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
