physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
