I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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