whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
