It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
